Philanthropy: RIP

February 27, 2008

So, when you die, would you be pissed if they slapped an ad banner on your tombstone because you were not around to say, “Hey, get that shit off my sexy stone. I lived a full life and did the best I could for my community and now you’re going to forget me so that teenagers will spend their last 1.29 on a Big Taste Taco from T-Bell or a fancy HVAC system from Johnson Controls? I paid for this beast, so step the fuck off.”

In my favorite world, this is what Jane Pettit would rise from the dead and tell the Bradley Center board, as well as those hacks at the local shill paper Journal. And she should haunt that egomaniacal spokesfucker Evan Zeppos for eternity.

Oh, wait, now it’s all better. The President of the Bradley Center says, “This was an incredibly difficult decision for our board and leadership team, many of whom knew Mrs. Pettit and know her family now…” Then you know it’s just flat out wrong, Steve. 90 Million got you your lofty “job” and now you’ll sell your King-maker up the river for 20 Million because the body is now cold? Sicko.

Hey Milwaukee, good luck getting another philanthropist to give you a pretty new bauble any time soon. Jane could have learned a thing or two from J. Howard Marshall. Just give it all to a bimbo and you’ll never have to worry about the tawdry commercialization of your family legacy. Er. Wait…


This gravestone brought to you by Tostitos and Poulan Weedeater

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