Deep Parenting by Jack Handey

June 10, 2009

Comedy is the only thing that gets you through this parenting business. That, and cute shit your kid says about his penis.

…and now, Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Probably because of something you did.”

Instead of putting a quarter under a kid’s pillow, how about a pine cone? That way, he learns that ‘wishing’ isn’t going to save our national forests.

Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good lucky feeling.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not for our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex.

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it’s gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus.

The face of a baby says it all. Especially the mouth part.

Still missing the Phil Hartman / Dana Carvey / Mike Myers days…


2 Responses to “Deep Parenting by Jack Handey”

  1. birdlegs02 Says:

    This made my day. Especially the first one!

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