Hellö Cleveländ

November 24, 2009

It was a steaming good time in The Cleve this past weekend.

The Pro Football Hall of Fame is awesome and refreshingly dated. Considering the big business that is the NFL, I am madly in love how downright modest and old school the building and it’s collections are. And while I take issue with any glorification of the Packalope, it was an NFL nerd’s dream.


Frame OJ? Well, hell. I really love those Naked Gun movies- but you’re right. It’s just too good. We have got to get that son of a bitch!

The warehouse district offers plenty enough douchebaggery for one city. The Sunset Lounge gets a rave for $4 martinis during happy hour; the sushi was meh. The Pinots at D’vine Wine Bar were bad enough but the service was worse. Two thumbs down. In fact, the service was bad in a lot of those wannabe joints. What are you gonna do? It’s a bad economy, so why not take it out on the customers? Seems logical.


Kevin’s Martini Bar: as you can imagine, totally unpretentious. Hi bubblegum vodka!


The only way you could make a group of Ohio State fans any scarier on Michigan game day would be to shroud them in Snuggies.

On to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, because, like Springsteen, they’re outsiders and rebels in their multi-million dollar mansions and fleet of designer cars. I give this place a decidedly mixed review, but as a music nerd, my expectations were high.

The stage costumes were awesome, especially P-Funk, Queen and David Bowie. I wish Madonna had her 80s slut gear on display though; that would have made me feel all junior high and shit.

I pink puffy heart LOVED the punk stuff, but then they phoned in the 80s. Aside from Joy Division, they almost completely ignored new wave and early alternative influences. Where do you think the last decade-and-a-half of mediocre music has come from? Boo!

So a resounding eff you, RIAA, you clearly have your big fat nose all up in the RRHOF’s privates. Speaking of which, Metallica sucks. And so does Bono, the big corporate poseur that he’s become.

And finally, in an open letter to Led Zeppelin, you should have so much more than one measly photo of Robert Plant. You deserve a more worthy shrine to your greatness and influence.  If y’all were from Milwaukee I’d build it for you.


I couldn’t tell if she was a Zilla, but the dress looked pretty high maintenance.

In other reviews, Cleveland is clearly not a legitimate brew town, because the only microbrewery in the area with tasting tours on Saturday was closed and shut down when they were supposed to be open. Screw you, Great Lakes Brewing Company… you’re Christmas beer isn’t THAT good.

But Blue Point Grille? You lived up to the hype. Your food IS that good. Did I mention the bisque? Wonderful, headless calamari, and melt in my mouth scallops. Good service too. Yums.

The shining gem in this city, far as I can see, is the Cleveland Museum of Art. They hit all the high notes of western civ. This is not one of those fluff collections with a bunch of also-rans. I was practically humping the walls full of my Baroque-Rococo-Neo-Classic-Romanticism faves. Seriously one of the best art museums I’ve been too. And despite my obviously crass klassiness, I’ve been to lots of them.

And yeah, they had the stupid big block of nothing art that some goof decided was the pinnacle of human achievement (straight lines!), but at least there was no talking doll with a chair on his head moping about man’s inhumanity to man. Two opposable thumbs up!!


Treat her well, dear Cleveland, she’s a keeper.

On our way out of town, we watched the Browns drop a heartbreaker to the Lions. Time out, Mangini… Favre threw you under the bus and now you’ve lost to Detroit. Maybe Brett should have called you before the game to dish inside information or something. You know, to make good, because, “it was about everyone else. Coaches, players, fans… ((sobs)).”

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3 Responses to “Hellö Cleveländ”

  1. mparsche Says:

    “It was a steaming good time in The Cleve this past weekend.”

    I ❤ you.

  2. Sara Says:

    My heart just stopped. You were 10 minutes from me! And I had no idea!! Grrr.


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