December 4, 2010
Checked out from the Sha Library…Curious George circa 1985.
Dear C. Brown, can I just pick one? My kid has a penchant for firearms and art museums have too many droopy boobs.
Shorty: Daddy, why do you need more wine?
Mommy: It’s called coping, Buddy, someday you’ll understand.
September 14, 2010
Shorty, sitting on the potty and talking to Daddy:
“Boys have penises. And girls have…. :::thinking::: … girls have two butts.”
You know something, pal? You smell an awful lot like flowers.
August 17, 2010
March 2, 2007, 6:30am, middle of a snowstorm, suffering mild contractions but going to work anyway, pulled over in an empty grocery store parking lot, on my cell phone:
Me: There’s a light on in the car…
Hubs: what is it?
Me: It looks like… a vagina
Me: Yeah, it looks like a vagina. Is the car trying to tell me I’m in labor?
March 27, 2010
Feliz cumpleaños a ti! Feliz cumpleaños a ti! Feliz cumpleaños a ti! Feliz cumpleaños a ti!
Daddy wanted this cake for you.
p.s. Cakes While U Wait can suck my fondant teat. Applications for family cake baker now being accepted!
March 17, 2010
Hubs (to shorty): well, here it is buddy, this is where the government keeps tabs on us
Moms (to shorty): It’s our constitutional obligation as a people to be enumerated every ten years. It’s all Article 1 an’ sh… (oops, that’s right, talking to a kid)
Hubs (reading over the document): You mean we can’t do this online?
Moms: The Founding Fathers certainly didn’t INTEND to have us use some magical adding machine likely posessed by evil spirits
(later in the conversation)
Hubs: So who gets to be Person One?
Moms: I say it’s me because the oldest one always gets listed first
Hubs: That’s certainly not what the founding fathers intended
Male chauvanist BURN!
March 3, 2010
February 2, 2010
Too busy to eat? Really? “Listen, Mom, I know you made a nice lunch of avocado hunks and mandarin oranges, and but Elmo is going to chew my ass out if I don’t get this TPS report on his desk before 2pm. I’m going to have to ask you to just go ahead and whip up a bottle to go. Mmmyeah, thanks.”
Thankfully, they’ve come up with a genius way to make millions more off of guilt-ridden parents whose toddler goes through the NORMAL phase(s) of not eating every perfectly shaped organic pea and free-range chicken cube on their plate.
Formula 2: Chocolate Goat’s Milk Bugaloo!